The Mismatched Adventures of Tao Boy and Ainu Girl
by ShatteredLyre
Summary: He smiled as he looked down upon the scurrying little students below him and inhaled a breath of fresh air. How good it was to be the king of this school. "TAO! Get off of the lunch table!" Well, it was good most of the time. -sidestory to Unwritten-
1. Summer: Senior Year

**A/N**: ladies and gentlemen (are there really boys who read my stories??), I'm proud to present to you, _The Mismatched Adventures of Tao Boy and Ainu Girl_. anyways, for you newcomers, this is actually going to be a five chapter sidestory to my other story _Unwritten_ (if you would be so kind as to read it if your heart desires to) but it stands on its own as well.

**DEDICATIONS**: first and foremost to my most dedicated and loyal reviewer **tfg**! s/he has reviewed nearly every chapter of every story i've ever written! thank you so much! to **Roni-chan** for being an absolute sweetheart in her reviews of _Unwritten_ (Roni-chan, I hope you somehow come across this story eheh). to **Chokopoppo **for writing the longest reviews ever! and finally to **applestoapples** for reminding me i still had to write this story =)

* * *

_June_

"A chicken."

"That's normally what hens are, Ainu girl."

"A _chicken._"

"Yes."

"He gave me a _chicken._"

Pirika and Ren simply stared at the hen that was currently clucking and waddling around the kitchen floor of the Usui's household. Not only was it a hen, it was a pink hen. As in every single feather on this bird was strangely a light pink color. Pirika looked down again at the card she had untied from around the chicken's leg.

_Dear Pirika,_

_I'm entrusting you with my prized pet, Morphine. Please take this as a sign of our friendship!_

_- Lyserg_

"What the heck!" Pirika moaned as she pocketed the card.

"I think Brit boy just wants to get rid of the chicken so he doesn't have to take it back to England with him."

"Did he get her when his foreign exchange group went to that one festival?" Pirika mused, picking up Morphine and putting her in the makeshift pen Horohoro constructed. "Wow, she sure grew fast if she hatched from an egg just a year ago."

"Why is it _pink_?" Morphine pecked Ren's hand through the wire as if to say _Bitch, please_. "Ow, stupid chicken!"

Pirika poured some grain through the wire and patted Morphine on the head. "You're not stupid." She turned to Ren. "On the other hand…"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Aren't you supposed to be going to the gym already? Just leave."

"Well, if your brother wasn't so finicky like you—"

Horohoro entered the kitchen with a cookie firmly clenched between his teeth. "Hurrnhg?" Ren rolled his eyes and plucked the baked good from the Ainu boy's mouth. "Are you ready to go? We can work out for an hour and a half before going to the airport to pick up…" He looked down at the letter he had received earlier that year from the school. "Matilda Matisse."

* * *

Manta Oyamada, aged seventeen going on eighteen but looked like he was ten, gulped and said a quick prayer before proceeding to arrival area. _Please, God, I'm too young to die. I really truly am. Please just let me survive the next school year._

The facts were these: Manta Oyamada was just your average perfect student. He had the perfect grades and was guaranteed to be next year's valedictorian. He had been notified just a month ago that he had received a scholarship to a prestigious university in America. He took the most advanced classes possible. His volunteer work was spent between working at the library and helping out at the local museum. Teachers loved him. He was best friends with the most popular guy in school (read: Yoh Asakura) and was associated with the most sought after guy in school (read: Tao Ren). His family was filthy rich, considering his father owned one of the largest company in the _world_. Not just Japan. The _world_. He even somehow managed to secure a spot on the varsity lacrosse team (granted, he was only recording the team's statistics for Bason but still).

However, with every silver lining comes a cloud. Manta had never had a girlfriend and from the looks of it, he probably won't in the near future. He was either seen as an adorable little boy or completely undateable or both by all the female students at Funbari Hill High School. The girl who he probably had the biggest chance of a romantic relationship (read: one Tamao Tamamura) since she was relatively new to the school and had no idea of Manta's gaping lack of relationship material had recently gotten together with who Manta considered to be a total idiot (who, as most idiots are, was considerably popular).

His father fully expected Manta to work in his company one day after he graduated from college in a field that Manta detested: war weapons. Mr. Oyamada had already begrudgingly consented to Manta's attending of college (which Mr. Oyamada considered to be a huge waste of time since his son could be learning the ropes in the company…) so every time Manta saw his father all he heard was: "You're wasting my money and my time."

Last year when he was a junior, he realized that he had become an outsider because of outsiders. He barely spent time with his old group because he had been concentrating so hard on his extracurricular activities and studies so he could get into college that he had neglected to hang out with Yoh and company. Halfway through the year he decided to stop by and saw to his dismay that he had been replaced. He saw that his friends could survive without him. No one had inquired where he was. Everyone, including himself had moved on. The turning point was when he was at some school function and he had missed Yoh and Anna leave for America.

Anyways, all angsting aside for now, Manta hesitantly raised his hand to get the attention of three certain European girls. _This is going to be a terrifying summer_.

* * *

"Hey!" Horohoro exclaimed after the Tao boy had mercilessly thrown a towel at him in the locker rooms.

"That's what you get for hogging the weights to yourself all afternoon," Ren stated dismissively as he began to change.

"Still sore about that?" Horohoro peeled off his socks. "Good work out today, Pointy Head."

"Do you and your sister just sit around in your spare time and swap degrading nicknames for me for kicks and giggles?" Ren zipped his bag up again. "You and Pirika are exactly the same."

"Why yes, it's our favorite past time." The Ainu boy cocked his head playfully before his grin disappeared. His voice got oddly serious. "Do me a favor." He turned to look at his friend. "If you have no intentions of dating my sister or whatever, just lay off."

"_What_?" Ren dropped his shoes. Just a mere few weeks ago Horohoro had threatened to rip out Ren's spleen and kill him with it because he had been hanging around Pirika a little too much. He tried to talk but a gagging noise came out instead. _How articulate of me…_

"Just don't lead her on if there isn't even a chance for her, mmkay? I mean, you've seen the way she looks at you, right? She's going to get hurt and if she does I _will_ kill you." Horohoro smiled at him as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "Time to go pick up one Miss Matisse."

Ren only noticed three minutes later that Horohoro had gone outside, effectively leaving the Tao boy alone with his thoughts.

* * *

"Horohoro! Ren!" Tamao waved as they joined her in the arrival area. "Manta said that they're running a little bit late…Wonder why. He's usually so punctual."

Out of nowhere, the diminutive boy in question appeared. Tied up in ropes. Held hostage by three menacing looking girls. All three of them looked like they wanted to kill people. The orange haired one was grinning manically and looked homicidal. The blue haired girl had the _Screw around with me and I _will _use pliers to dislocate all of your fingers…and I will enjoy doing it_ expression perpetually on her face. The blond girl appeared to be one of those creepy killer types (you know, the ones that appear in _The Ring_, etc), further enhanced by the fact she was holding onto a dismembered, what looked to be a rotting doll.

"Er…hey…guys…" Manta seemed like he was on the verge of dying.

"Manta!" Tamao looked horrified. "What happened?"

"Our kind host here offered to take us shopping in the designer boutiques around the airport," Kanna said, bored as ever, adjusting her new sunglasses.

"Uh, isn't all the merchandise here overpriced because tourists are more likely to spend money on gifts for their friends and relatives back home?" Horohoro asked slowly, remembering Professor Luchist's lecture on that phenomena in his economics class last year.

"And your point is…?" Homicidal red head leaned against her gun as she put her hand on her hip.

"Is…is that a gun?" Tamao managed to squeak out. _Why did Funbari Hill High School_ _allow these girls to be part of the program?_ "How did you get past security?"

"Um, I wouldn't be a _professional_ if I'd get caught by some stupid airport security guard. That'd be laaaaame, right?" The blond girl beside her nodded.

_A professional what? _Tamao decided she'd be better off not knowing. "Ah…so…which one of you will be staying with me?" She tried her best to be polite and forced a smile.

Blondie turned towards Kanna. "That one is Tamamura?" The taller girl nodded. "Mari will be staying with you."

Tamao looked at the red head again. "Er, it's a pleasure to meet you…Mari." _Great, of course, I'd get stuck with crazy girl with a gun_.

"I'm not Mari…she is. Mari refers to herself in the third person." She jutted her thumb at the blonde that had just spoken. "I'm Matilda. Or Macchi. Whichever one you prefer. And I get to stay with Usui this time." She glared at him as he shrunk back. "I had some good times with your sister last year." She grinned cruelly as she remembered a particularly pleasing thought. "Ah, yes, dyeing Ainu girl's hair a nice shade of neon yellow last year right before the cheerleading team's yearbook picture. That one's a classic."

Horohoro counted on his fingers before he spoke. "Then who's Kanna staying with?"

The older girl rolled her eyes and adjusted her brand new leather handbag. "Shortie here of course. We're going to have a lot of _fun_, aren't we?" She menacingly stuck her still lit cigarette precariously close to the poor boy's face as if to dare him to disagree with her.

"Y-Yes, Kanna, whatever you say. Pleasedon'tkillme!"

As the three foreign exchange students were busy laughing over Manta, Tamao grabbed Horohoro and Ren by the arms and yanked them aside. "_What have we gotten ourselves into_?"

* * *

_July_

_Brrrriiiiiingggggg_.

"Pick up."

_Brrrriiiiiingggggg_.

"Pick up!"

_Brrrriiiiiingggggg._

"What?"

"Hey, Ren!"

"Pirika?"

"Yup!"

_Bzzzzt_.

The girl blinked before setting the phone back in the cradle. "That's the ninth time he's done that this month…" She rested her cheek in the cup of her palm. "I wonder if he's trying to tell me something. Hmmm…"

At that second, her brother walked in, dirty and grimy, from the backyard. "Hey, Horohoro?"

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to help me in the garden once in a while. It's getting overrun with weeds." He went over to the sink to wash the dried soil off of his hands. A clump of dirt fell off of his hand, landing particularly hard into the dirty sink water and splattering it onto his face. "Feh!"

"Eh, I just got a manicure." She held up her newly done nails in her defense. After observing that that wasn't going to fly, she tried a different route. "I'm allergic to physical activity…? Macchi isn't doing any work!"

He sighed loudly and rolled his eyes, wiping his hands onto his jeans. "First off, Macchi is kind of our guest, no matter how terrifying, scary, horrifying, homicidal, violent, frightening, terrorizing she might be." He winced as the past month's memories came flooding back and paused before continuing. "She's still…our…guest. And second, I wouldn't dare ask her because she's terrifying, scary, horrifying, homicidal, violent—"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Pirika pouted as she twirled a lock of her hair around her finger.

"What were you asking earlier?" Horohoro went back to the sliding door to close it. On the way he tripped over one of Macchi's guns. "Oh. My. _God._" He went pale before backing away from it. "Thank you, Lord, it's not loaded."

"Have you seen Ren recently?"

"Hmm…last time I saw him was a month ago. Isn't he doing something with his family? Or something. Can't remember."

"Hnnnngh."

Horohoro looked up suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I've called him nine times—"

"_What_."

"Over the past month. Relax. I'm not that much of a stalker to call him nine times in a day or whatever." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Phew. You got me scared for a second." He restarted his attempt at closing the door to the backyard.

"And every time I call him and he finds out it's me, he hangs up! What's the deal with that?" She pouted. "I don't get it. Last month, we were hanging out, all fine and dandy—"

"Did you seriously just say dandy? I refuse to call you my sister."

"—and now, it's like…it's like he's avoiding me!" Her eyes widened as if she just realized it. "Oh my God, he's avoiding me, Horohoro!"

"Um…" _Oh crap, this is my fault. I told Ren to ask her out or lay off. Obviously he wasn't going to ask her out. He's never liked a girl in his entire life!_ Luckily for him, Tamao entered through the front door. "Hey, look! Tamao's here for your shopping date. Why don't you talk about boys and makeup and clothes and other girl stuff that isn't my forte and I have no knowledge of whatsoever! Especially the boys part! Definitely didn't say anything to Ren about you at all! No, sir!" He shoved Pirika out the door past a very confused Tamao. "Have fun, you two!"

"Huh?" Tamao actually looked a bit frightened.

_Just go with it_, he mouthed. Only when the two pulled out from the driveway did he allow himself to relax. "Oh yeah. I'm a master of subtlety, she definitely didn't suspect anything!" He smiled and put his hands on his hips, feeling rather pleased with himself.

* * *

"Ugh! He's so stupid! Why won't my idiot of a brother just stay out of my life!" Pirika howled as they walked down the sidewalk. The two entered a store. "I hate him!" she lamented to the bewildered sales clerk that had come over to welcome them.

"Pirika, he's just looking out for you is all…" Tamao held up a shirt in front of a mirror.

"He told Ren to ask me out or to stop hanging out with me? Who does he think he is?!" Pirika snapped at a nearby mannequin.

"Well, sometimes your brother doesn't really always make the best decisions…" Tamao shrugged.

"Hmph, whatever. I can fix this. There's nothing I can't fix. Sorry about ranting so much." Pirika grumpily picked her way through a clearance bin. "Anyways, what's up with you?"

"Nothing much." Tamao placed a skirt over her wrist so she could try it on later. "Well, actually…there's something…" She turned pink in the face. "I've been meaning…to ask."

The younger girl perked up. "Ah, tell me! Tell me!"

"This is really embarrassing…" Tamao hung her head. "Er, how does it feel…to…um…be kissed?"

Pirika sighed, knowing Tamao was referring to the incident between her and Ren at the lacrosse game a few months ago. "I don't know. How does it feel to be in a relationship?" she replied in a bored voice.

"Good one. So how's Macchi treating you?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started. Just think of the neon yellow hair fiasco. Except stretch that out for a month."

"Try living with Mari. She's so creepy!" Tamao shuddered. "When I get up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, she's there. When I'm about to go to bed at like three in the morning, she's there. When I come in after a late night, she's there. She just…_stands_ in the middle of the living room, looking all creepy and eerie and holding that…that doll thing of hers." Tamao began to shrink with each word she was saying as she recalled the last month's encounters. "She looks like she's straight out of _The Ring_!"

"At least Mari doesn't have guns lying all over the place. Horohoro tripped over one earlier today. If it had been loaded…I'd hate to think what would happen." The two girls winced.

"Looks like we've got a couple of certified maniacs on our hands," Tamao said dryly as Pirika laughed.

"I know, right? Kanna looks like the model student now compared to them."

Right at that second the German girl in question walked right by the store window.

"Speak of the devil and she—Oh, my. Does she have—"

"Yes. She does have him on a—"

"Poor Manta."

"I can't believe she has him in a straitjacket! And tied to her arm with a rope, no less!" The girl exited out of view, followed by a miserable looking Manta who was tethered to her. "That's so humiliating! It's not like he's an animal or her slave!" Pirika stomped her foot. "Someone needs to do something about these girls!"

"Like what? We're supposed to be polite to them or Goldva is going to get mad…Remember, they do annual reports of their hosts at the end of the year." Tamao bit her lip. "But I _would_ like to see someone put them in their place…"

Pirika grinned cunningly.

"Uh-oh. No, Pirika. I know that grin. That means you're up to something. Something _bad_." Tamao waved her hands as if to ward off the other girl.

"Who said _we_ have to be the ones to do it?"

Tamao furrowed her brows. "Where are you going with this? There's no one brave enough to endure Mr. Goldva's wrath if the foreign exchange students get upset."

"No. No, there isn't anyone brave enough. But there _is_ someone _stupid_ enough."

"Huh? Who?"

But Pirika was way ahead of her. She pressed a number on her speed dial and waited for the person to pick up on the other line. "Hello? Chocolove? Hey, it's Pirika! I have a…_favor_…to ask of you."

* * *

_August_

"Huff, huff, how is it so _hot_ here? I didn't know America was another name for _hell_!" Yoh panted as he fanned himself with his hand.

"Stop whining. It's Arizona, what do you expect?" Anna pushed her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose and adjusted her hat.

"It feels more like a sauna than anything else…" Yoh said as he lugged their suitcases up the stairs. "I hope the apartment has air conditioning."

"You got the place for dirt cheap. You seriously think that it's going to have air conditioning? I'll be surprised if we have a working stove and shower," she stated dismissively. "Out of the way, pregnant mother coming through." She shoved herself in front of Yoh, causing the boy to almost lose his balance and fall backwards down the stairs.

_It can't possibly be _that_ ugly and rundown. I saw pictures of it on the Internet before I put down a payment. I thought it actually looked kind of nice._ Yoh rushed so he could open the door for Anna. "Here we are!" he announced and threw the door open with a flourish.

"Oh."

"My."

"God."

The two just stood there and gaped. Yoh dropped all the suitcases he had been carrying.

"What _is_ this?" Anna's eye began to twitch.

"I-I-I-I-I—"

"We're supposed to live _here_?" She carefully stepped into the apartment. (More like a room with flimsy partitions in it). "And what's that _smell_?" Her hands flew to her nose as she turned to look at Yoh for an explanation. "How…how can there be no electrical plugs in the living room? Or this room? Or even this room!"

"I-I-I-I-I—"

Anna gave herself a disgusted, quick tour of the place. "Hmph, I said that we'd be lucky to have a functioning stove and shower? We don't even have a _bathroom_ or a _kitchen_ in here. We need a refrigerator for groceries! A stove or even a microwave to cook! I don't think there was even a communal bathroom outside for the entire floor to use."

"I-I-I-I-I—"

She stepped into the only semi-secluded room (which was, by normal standards, still extremely exposed to the rest of the apartment). "There aren't any beds in here either! I thought the seller said that it came with furniture! Where are supposed to sleep, the floor? No closets or drawers either, so I suppose they expect us to live out of our suitcases?"

"I-I-I-I-I—"

She turned around and for the first time, he saw that Anna's eyes were filled with panic. "Yoh." She looked at him and blinked a few times as if she had been jolted into reality. "What are we going to do?"

And for the first time, he didn't actually think that everything was going to be okay. That everything would work out by itself. He took a deep breath, surveyed the room, and looked at her dead in the eyes. "I…I don't know."

* * *

"Jeanne!" Lyserg smiled as he ran through the hallway of the hotel they were staying at. "Jeanne!" The last two months had been pure bliss and every second he was overjoyed that he had gotten a job transporting equipment for her new music school as they traveled around Europe to perform. He felt like singing and skipping and dancing every day and shouting at the world, "Why _yes_, I _am_ in love, thank you very much!" at the top of his lungs.

He skidded to a halt in front of her room and took a deep breath before knocking.

"Ah! Oh…oh dear. C-Come…in." He cocked his head before turning the knob. He'd never heard Jeanne so flustered before.

* * *

Pirika took a deep breath before ringing the Tao's extremely intimidating and ornate door bell. _Jeez, these guys sure have money to burn._

A servant opened the door. "Yes?"

"Um, could you call Ren down for me?" _This is ridiculous. I haven't seen him all summer._

"You _just_ caught him. He's leaving for France later on today." The servant disappeared and called for her master.

_France? Why would he be going to—_ "Ren!"

He stepped forward in a daze, a phone still clutched in one of his hands. "Oh. Hi, Pirika."

* * *

Lyserg entered the room to find Jeanne sitting in a chair, blinking rapidly in disbelief as she put her hotel phone down.

"Jeanne? Are you okay? What happened?"

* * *

She narrowed her eyes momentarily as she was caught off guard. _He never calls me Pirika._

"Ren? Are you okay? What happened?"

* * *

"I—"

* * *

"I—"

* * *

"What?"

* * *

"What?"

* * *

"_I'm getting married."_

* * *

**A/N**: OMFG CLIFFHANGER! =) Review please?


	2. Fall: Senior Year

_September_

"That one's cute. That one too. Ooooh, I hope I have a class with _him_." Pirika hurriedly jotted something down in a notebook.

Ren, who had bit his tongue the entire time as Pirika gushed over every single guy they passed by, finally snapped. "What are you doing?"

She hid the notebook from his view. "None of your business."

"I've escorted you all over school. I believe I deserve to at least know what you've been dragging me all over campus for," he replied curtly as he observed Pirika giving a very suggestive look to a transfer student. A _male_ transfer student.

"I'm taking notes."

"Oh really? Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that we're both eukaryotic, multicellular breathing organisms."

"I have no idea what you just said." She took out a highlighter and began marking several entries in the spiral bound book.

"_Usui._"

"_Tao_." She smiled as if she was getting her way. What her way was exactly was completely beyond him. After observing how serious and tired he was, she gave in. "Okay, I'm simply taking notes on all the potential boys here at school like I always do every year on the first day of school."

"And you've nearly finished an entire notebook within the span of two hours?" he asked incredulously.

"Don't be silly," she chastised. "This is my seventh one today. There's more transfer students here than ever before!" she exclaimed joyously. "Oh, FHHS, your foreign exchange program is going to do wonders for my love life." She looked pointedly at Ren as the happiness dropped out of her voice. "Or. Lack. Thereof."

"Excuse me?" Anger flooded his face. "This is…this is unacceptable."

"Oh, screw you. You don't get a say in this. Horohoro doesn't care at this point. Why _do_ you even care? You don't get to care. You're _engaged_." She said 'engaged' as if it were another word for 'unmentionable, sexually transmitted disease.' "Unless, of course, there's something you care to tell me?" She batted her eyelashes at him mockingly.

"No. There is nothing."

"Fine. Then you won't mind if I gave that guy over there my number? Or if I gush over how hot that boy is?"

Jealousy mounted within Ren but he somehow kept his cool. "N-No."

She drew her eyebrows together and sighed noisily as if something she had planned had failed. Pirika tossed the notebook on the floor which Ren found to be quite strange, considering she had devoted so much time and effort to meticulously taking notes. She inhaled and exhaled slowly as they kept on walking, Pirika with her arms firmly crossed in front of her, Ren trying not to explode as he realized the sheer amount of _stares_ she was attracting from nearly every single member of the male species.

"Why are you such an id—" Pirika started but was promptly interrupted.

"Hey, Pirika!" Someone tapped her from behind.

"Oh. Hello, Nichrom." She blinked.

"You dropped this back there." He handed her the notebook. There was something about the way Nichrom was looking at Pirika that Ren did not like. That and how both of them were acting as if Ren were not there.

"Thanks! That was really nice of you." She smiled as she began to turn around and continue walking away despite the fact that Nichrom looked as if he wanted to keep talking to her for some reason.

And then she saw the look on Ren's face. And then it hit her.

She angled her body back so that she was facing her fellow junior. "Seriously, that was _super_ nice of you. You don't get that in a guy anymore nowadays."

Nichrom's face lit up. "Oh, it wasn't a problem," he said, smiling.

Ren could've gutted Morphine right in the middle of the hallway with his bare hands, assuming if the chicken had been there at that moment with them.

"You're on the lacrosse team, right? I should go to some of your games," she said, fake sweetness dripping nauseatingly from her voice.

"Yeah! You totally should," he agreed wholeheartedly.

"Alright, but you better win for me while I'm there," she said in a faux-threatening manner.

Ren disgustedly cleared his throat to remind the two of his existence. His angry, boiling, enraged existence.

They both whirled around to face him. "_What_," they both demanded in unison.

He glared at the pair of them. "Never mind," he snarled and marched off.

He kept stomping down the hallway, paying no heed to the damage he left in his wake: open locker doors were slammed shut by him, he grabbed anyone who stood in his way by the back of their collar and shoved them to the side, binders in people's hands found themselves on the floor, their contents strewn out over the cool, standard issue beige tiles.

No one ignored Tao Ren's existence. No one talked over him. No one—

"Disobeys your orders?"

"_Exactly_. Why don't people understand—" He cut himself off and turned to see who had voiced his thoughts. He was met by Pirika (_Of course, the only person brave or stupid or both enough to approach me when I'm on the rampage_, his mind reasoned) who was smiling at him.

_Wait, no._

_Smirking_ at him.

She forcefully took him by the hand and made him loop his arm through hers as if they were the best of friends and they both began walking down the hallway. "You don't like it, do you?"

"I don't dislike things. I _loathe_ things," he promptly informed her.

"Ah. Yes. There's a difference." She nodded, quite accustomed to his string of thinking. "Anyways, you _loathe_ it when things don't go your way, hm? When someone does something contrary to your wishes? When everything falls to shit, yes?"

"Hn," was all he replied.

"But most of all, you hate it when someone other than you has the upper hand." She broke into a triumphant smile and stopped in her tracks in front of a classroom. "Thanks for walking me to class!" she announced happily, causing the majority of the people to look their way and wonder why Tao Ren had actually walked someone to class. The person who was surprised the most was, of course, Tao Ren who had no idea that they had been walking in the direction of Pirika's class and _clearly_ had been tricked.

"_What_."

He no longer had the upper hand.

* * *

"I think I completely failed that essay…" Tamao lamented as their teacher, Ms. Bluebell, began passing back their graded papers. "I should've spent more time working on it." She flinched as their professor seemed to be giving the next essay in her hands to Tamao but then instead handed it to the boy sitting behind her.

"Ah, that sucks." Horohoro gave her a conciliatory frown and pat on the back.

"What about you?"

"I think I completely aced it!" he proclaimed confidently. "I went overboard even. Mine was thirteen pages long."

Tamao gaped at him. "R-Really? Mine was only two pages long…I think most people in the class only wrote around two to three pages, Horo…"

"I worked every day on it for the entire week." He shrugged but smiled. "Eh, I got really into it."

"I guess…well, you _do_ want to go into environmental science so I guess you would be super passionate and hard working in this class…" Tamao idly observed as Ms. Bluebell slid her essay in front of her. "Oh…! Eighty-four, that isn't terrible…actually, it isn't bad at all." She blinked in happy surprise and smiled at their teacher.

Ms. Bluebell smiled back at her. "Good effort." However, the happiness literally drained from her face as she gave Horohoro his essay back. The Ainu boy, unable to contain his excitement, flipped the essay over, which the teacher had placed face down on his desk. "Hm, Mr. Usui, please speak to me after class."

Horohoro stared down at the grade.

"Eh, Horo? What did you get?" Tamao asked, recalling the confidence with which he had spoken earlier.

"What…the…hell…" He was still staring down at the paper, his shock further emphasized by his gaping jaw.

"W-What's wrong—"

He grabbed the paper and clutched it in front of her face "She gave me a fifty! A _fifty_! As in I only got _half_ of the points possible on this assignment! As in, I _failed_ this assignment." He whipped out his binder and began paging through it furiously until he came across the grading rubric. "According to the rubric, I '_failed to understand the basic concepts and purposes of this essay_.'"

"But that can't be right…You couldn't have failed it…" Tamao mused as she looked in awed reverence at the thick pile of papers that made up his thirteen page behemoth of an essay.

"There aren't any marks on my essay at all!...Wait, literally, there aren't any comments. The only thing she wrote was the grade on the front. Everything else is completely untouched!" He shook his head as his anger mounted. "Was she on crack or something when was grading this?"

"No, Mr. Usui. I usually tend to not abuse any substances, illegal or not, when I am perusing my students' work," Ms. Bluebell said airily as she glided by him. "Though, I am not going to lie when I say that it would have helped when reading your _very_ emphatically written essay," she said pointedly.

It was Tamao's turn to give him a conciliatory frown and a pat on the back as the bell rang and everyone stood to go to lunch.

Horohoro steeled himself as he approached Ms. Bluebell, the two of them the only ones still present in the room.

"Mr. Usui," she sighed, removing her glasses from her face.

"What the heck, Ms. Bluebell?!" he demanded. "I worked really hard on this essay. And you give me a fifty on it?"

"I do believe that you—"

"'_Failed to understand the basic concepts and purposes of this essay_'?" he rattled off dryly. "Yeah, I know, I read your rubric."

She simply looked at him, completely unfazed. "Usui, let me tell you this. People who take this class usually fit one of four profiles: there are the kids who take it because it is their senior year and they want an easy A in the class and they figure that it would be easier to take environmental science than college level biology, chemistry or physics; then there are those who take it simply because it is an advanced placement class and they have this intrinsic need to take as many advanced placement classes as they can to fulfill their need to feel competent; of course, there are the kids who are somewhat interested in the environment and thought it would be nice to take the class." She stared at him pointedly.

"And what's the last kind?" he asked gruffly, miffed that he had no idea where the hell she was trying to go with this.

"The ones who are completely and totally passionate about 'saving the world' and blame everything on humans and are disoriented with today's consumerism and apathy about the health of our environment and want to save the animals and plant trees and think that they're better than everyone from the simple fact that they use reusable water bottles and the rest of their classmates don't."

He glared at her, knowing that she was making a very sour observation of his attitude. "And you're saying I'm the last kind?"

"Yes. I can see your passion and your true concern for the environment…somewhere in…there." She motions in the general direction of his body. "But your essay…It was a thirteen page rant about how humans are destroying the world."

"But the essay question said to address how humans are impacting the earth—"

She nodded. "Granted, you did indeed answer that part of the question, quite…thoroughly might I add, you completely neglected the second half of the question: formulate several different methods in which we can help reverse some of the damage we have inflicted on the environment."

He opened his mouth to answer but she held up a hand to silence him.

"Though I can tell you put a _great_ amount of effort into this assignment, I feel that most of your motivation in writing it was to blow your own horn. Your genuine concern for the environment wasn't your main purpose. Hence, why you didn't answer the second question."

"That is _completely_ untrue! I—"

"Usui, I don't want you going through this class thinking that environmental science is simply about how crappy human beings are. It is good that you are outraged about the harm that has befallen our earth. But just being outraged and acknowledging that there is a problem isn't enough." She put her glasses back on her face.

He grit his teeth together.

"You have to be willing to do something about it."

* * *

_October_

"So what do you guys think?" Chocolove asked as he made an overtly elegant flourish at the diagrams, graphs, and statistics he had set up in Pirika's living room.

"Erm…" Tamao, Pirika, and Manta merely looked at each other.

Manta tried to smile. "Chocolove, as much as we want to see Kanna, Macchi, and Mari fall into a moat and be devoured by crocodiles and piranhas…"

"…it might not be the…_best_ course of action," Tamao finished.

Chocolove slumped over, completely defeated that yet another of his completely ridiculous and mind-blowingly elaborate plans had been a failure. "Damnit. I just can't seem to formulate anything that you guys will like _and_ will humiliate them enough."

Tamao put a finger to the side of her head. "It is rather tough. Maybe it's impossible…"

"Perhaps we should just give up…" Manta said, frowning.

"Come on, guys, we can do this!" Pirika proclaimed, leaping to her feet from the couch. "Don't you want to get revenge on them? Or at the very least show them that it's not okay to treat people the way they've been treating people…and get away with it?" she rallied.

Tamao slowly nodded. "Mari's been stealing my clothes and making voodoo dolls out of them…I think she went out to buy some needles from the convenience store." She shuddered.

Manta clenched his hands into fists. "Kanna keeps taking all of my books and burning them to use for bonfires…and they were all first edition classics too! I've spent ten years of my birthday and Christmas money on those!"

Pirika crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Macchi uses my stuffed animals for target practice. I can't even tell what they used to look like since she shot them to complete bits!"

"They all said that my jokes aren't funny!" Chocolove wailed, sobbing into his arm.

His three friends remained silent.

He was able to stop his crying and looked up at them too. "Aw, come on, not you guys too!" He exhaled tragically. "Fine, they also said that I'm going to grow old and die alone without anyone to love me."

"See, this is why we need to teach them a lesson. The worst part is that they get away with all of it with no repercussions! And all because they are supposed 'guests' at our school. Screw that! Guests don't treat their hosts like that…unless they're parasites…" Pirika said.

Chocolove, Manta, and Tamao all laughed at her analogy. "Let's do it!"

"That's the spirit! Now, let's try approaching this in a different way…what's the one thing that our creepy guests hate the most?" Pirika asked aloud.

"Us?" Manta guessed.

"True, but no. Something that they _absolutely_ loathe and hate and despise…" Pirika restated.

"Being normal?"

"Bad hair days?"

"Puppies and kittens and everything good, nice, and innocent in this world?"

"Not being able to set orphanages on fire?"

Pirika sighed. "No, no, no, and no…" She rested her cheek on her hand. "This is getting us nowhere—"

"Wait." Chocolove blinked as something huge, something epic, something effin' _awesome_ dawned on him. "I think…I think I got it…"

They all turned to face him, eager to hear what he had to say. "Really? What is it that they detest with every fiber of their beings?"

"Anna."

* * *

"Horo—"

"_What. Leave me alone, I hate everything. I don't want to talk to you. Why does everyone want to talk to me._"

Ren blinked at his friend. "Al…right." He slowly backed away from the nurse's office.

Horohoro grumpily stared at the wall in front of him as Faust bandaged the infuriated boy's hand.

"Did you and Ren just have a…fight?" Faust asked.

He irritably looked up at the well-intentioned doctor-turned-school-nurse. "What? No."

Faust pursed his lips in sympathy as he went to the next plausible possibility. "Did you two break up?"

"What the heck? No! We didn't break up!" Horohoro exclaimed.

"Oh…I thought that perhaps you and the Tao were engaged in what you call a…eh…a 'bromance' as you say?" Faust asked.

Horohoro simply snorted.

"So it was a fling?"

Horohoro rolled his eyes. "Faust, you're really weird."

"I'm sorry, I am not accustomed to the slang and dialect and social rituals of Japanese youth today!" Faust lamented. "What exactly does one do during a 'bromance'?" he inquired.

"I dunno…not much…just hang out I guess," Horohoro shrugged, wincing a bit as Faust tied the bandages tightly.

The doctor's eyes widened. "There are _things_ that are hanging out during your times with Ren?" He nodded slowly. "I suppose I am not here to judge. We are living in an accepting, progressive society after all…"

Horohoro wanted to slam his head against the wall. Or perhaps on the sterilized metal tray next to him that contained all of Faust's scalpels. What a school nurse was doing with scalpels was beyond Horohoro. But he opted not to follow through with either option since then he would be further injured and Faust would have to tend to those wounds, thus forcing Horohoro to endure more of the doctor's endless interrogation. "What exactly were you doing for you to sustain such a gash?"

The Ainu boy began simmering. "I was trying to go around campus to pick up all the soda cans people leave lying around and then one of them cut me!"

Faust drew his eyebrows together. "Why were you picking up soda cans?"

"To recycle them." He looked at Faust who still appeared to not comprehend why anyone would do such a thing. "What? You don't believe that I care about the environment? You think that all I do is complain and bitch and moan about how humans don't do anything and are letting our earth sink into ruin and destruction and a self-inflicted apocalypse? You think that I'm not doing anything to help the environment? You do, don't you? Well, here's a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite, I _totally care about the environment and I'm doing something to help it_ so you can take your judgment and shove it up your—"

Faust promptly slapped a bandage over Horohoro's mouth. "Is there something on your mind?" he asked serenely.

He ripped the bandage painfully off of his mouth. "Ouch. And don't you try to play dumb! I know that Bluebell probably went around and told the entire faculty about how I'm some idealistic, angry, critical, eighteen year old who doesn't know shit about real life!" he accused.

"She did nothing of the sort," Faust responded calmly. "Though you do not want to hear this, she remains to be correct. Just your explosive reaction alone proves that you were not recycling and helping the environment for true concern of the planet. You are doing it to prove to Miss Bluebell that you care. In other words, you are…ah, how do you say this…_faking it_."

And with that, Horohoro slammed his head against the wall behind him.

* * *

_November_

"And yet another day passes without a singular customer in the shop," Yoh sighed as he locked up for the night. "Not that I'm complaining."

"It's been several months now, I thought you'd be accustomed to that by now."

"Oh, hey, Mosuke," Yoh called tiredly.

Thankfully, Amidamaru had been able to hook Yoh and Anna up with his old friend who ran an antique sword shop near campus. But why anyone would be interested in antique swords and more so, be interested in _buying_ antique swords in the middle of Arizona was completely beyond him. But who was he to question anyone's motivations, especially if they were putting a roof over Yoh and Anna's head? In exchange for providing housing and meals, Mosuke's simply expected Yoh and Anna to work in the shop even if no one ever bought anything.

"Damn that gun shop down the street!" Mosuke exclaimed, surprising Yoh a bit since the older man had been relatively chill and calm for the past few months.

"Er, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling a chair up beside Mosuke.

"I used to get customers in here all the _time_, Yoh. I remember those days…when people still appreciated the fine handicraft, the workmanship that sword smiths poured into these fine weapons. It was an _art form_." He shook his head sadly. "Ever since that blasted shop opened down the street, people have been going there nonstop to look at those machine manufactured guns. Where is the artistry in that? Where is the history and value in that?"

"There's a gun shop down the street?" Yoh asked.

"_That's_ what you got from what I said?" Mosuke cried.

"Er, I mean, oh…no…that's terrible…" Yoh quickly replied. "Who owns it?"

"Some private entrepreneur started a whole chain of them across the nation and even in some other countries. Name's Marco. No last name." Mosuke shook his head tearfully.

"Wait…as in…Marco…blond hair, glasses, has a very odd penchant for leather?" Yoh asked, his words tumbling over each other as he recollected the psychotic FHHS guidance counselor talking about his _other job_ on the side, the one that raked in the majority of his money so that he could afford fancy cars and large mansions. Something that had to do with wholesale marketing of guns.

"Yes! That's him!" Mosuke turned to Yoh in a frenzy. "Do you know him?"

"Uh…" Yoh knew better than to say that yes, indeed, he knew Marco considering that there was a katana well within the sword master's reach and that Mosuke and Yoh were the only people in the room. "No…?"

"Damnit. Foiled again. I swear to God, if I ever meet anyone who knows Marco, heads _will_ fly."

_Good call, Yoh. Good call._

Mosuke's eyes blazed before he faced Yoh again. "Need anything else?"

"Um…do you happen to have any eggplants?"

Mosuke frowned. "…What?"

Yoh sighed. "Sorry, I know it sounds random but Anna has been in the mood for eggplant lasagna recently…"

Mosuke nodded knowingly. "Ah, pregnancy and its cravings."

"She's…terrifying." Mosuke gave him an odd look. "Well, more so than usual, if you can imagine that."

"I _can_ actually. 'Goddamnit, Yoh! I wanted eggplant casserole, not eggplant lasagna! And where the hell is the mustard to go with it? Huh? And the Tabasco sauce? Why can't you do anything right? Don't you want me to have a healthy baby? Don't you want a healthy baby? Don't you know that eggplant casserole makes healthy babies?! Yeah, that's right, go back to the grocery store!...And while you're there, grab some chocolate syrup. I want some to go with my spaghetti with marinara sauce.'"

Yoh could barely breathe as his eyes teared up from so much laughter. "Holy crap, Mosuke, that's right on the nose."

"What is right on the nose?" The two men looked up to see Anna standing in the doorway that led from the shop to the residential part of the building. She glared at the pair of them before turning around. "Yoh, make sure that there is mustard for tonight's dinner."

Mosuke and Yoh began cracking up, causing Anna to turn around, look at them suspiciously and go back up the stairs.

He prepared whatever disgusting dinner she preferred as usual. He ate with her at the plain table as usual. He cleared the table away as usual. He washed the dishes as usual. He joined her on their bed as usual. And she treated him the same way she has always treated him.

"Don't touch me," she replied mechanically as he put his arm around her.

"Why not?" he asked automatically.

"Because." She turned another page in the textbook she was reading for her business management class.

"Come on, Anna." Yoh swept some of her hair to her other shoulder, leaving her bare neck exposed.

She batted his hand away and shook her head to cause her hair to go back into place. "Stop touching me."

"Why? You never tell me why."

Anna slammed her textbook down on her lap. "Because I feel disgusting, that's why. I feel bloated and fat and gross and gigantic and not human and repulsive and uncomfortable and obese and ugly and hideous and everything else you can find in the thesaurus for those adjectives! And the worst part is that I have _three whole months left to carry this parasitic human being that is leaching off my health as we speak_. Actually, that isn't even the worst part yet. _After _they jam a gigantic needle into my spine to ward off pain, the worst part is that I will have to push an entire person's _body_ through my birth canal after those three months. Can you imagine that? No, of course you can't, because you're a _boy_. All boys have to worry about is 'Oh, damn, I had another wet dream again. Better wash those sheets.' Girls have to worry about getting pregnant, carrying the damn thing for _nine whole months_, going into labor because the baby is pushing its head, its_ head_, against your cervix painfully and nooooo, it doesn't want to come out after doing that. You have to wait hours and hours until you're fully dilated and _then_ the real process starts. _The process that involves pushing that baby out of your uterus and womb, through the birth canal and into the world in front of a bunch of doctors, nurses, family members and you who will most likely be recording all of this on camera to send to your side of the family_…And then I'll get stretch marks."

Yoh's face was completely pale and his body completely paralyzed.

"Argh!" She grabbed her textbook, threw it open to a random page, and stuck her face in it to avoid having to look at him.

After a few minutes, Yoh was able to regain control of his body and he shifted to face Anna. "Anna…"

"_What._ Do you want me to go into graphic detail about how my lower regions are going to be completely disfigured and the skin tissue down there might even _tear_ after giving birth because the baby might be too big? And the profuse bleeding that occurs afterwards?" she snapped.

"…I _really_ didn't want to know that, but no." He shook his head. "If you felt this way, then how come you didn't tell me?"

"Oh, like you would be able to do anything to make me feel better if I told you all of that a few months ago," she said dryly. "My hormones would've probably coerced me into murdering you in cold blood."

"…True…true…But you still could've told me how you felt. I'll still love you no matter what. Even if you never lose all of this weight. Even if you force me to cook you spaghetti and chocolate sauce every single night and make me eat it with you. Even if you try repeatedly to murder me in cold blood as a result of your raging hormones. Even if you say that you're fat and bloated and whatever on a daily basis. Even if you won't let me get within a five foot radius of you. I'll still love you."

While he was talking, Anna had been lowering her textbook ever so gradually until it landed softly on the bed sheets. All the anger and irritation and frustration dissipated as she appeared to actually be thinking about what he was saying.

"So you're calling me _fat_?"

Yoh sighed but still smiled, knowing that she got what he meant anyways.

* * *

"So I was thinking that perhaps the color for our wedding should be either lavender or rose…"

"And he'll be okay with it?"

"Oh, who cares, he'll be one hundred percent supportive of anything because in the end, regardless if he's wearing a bright green neon suit or getting married underwater in a fish tank, he's getting a hot, young wife in her early twenties."

"Ah, at least you _know_ you're a trophy wife."

The two women sitting across from Jeanne giggled while she sat there, transfixed and flat out horrified.

_What a pair of terrifying women._

However, Jeanne was forced to endure their terrible discussion concerning the "hot young wife in her early twenties" and "the seventy-something year old man who was looking for someone to do all the work in bed" for the rest of the train ride home from her latest concert. Her only solace was that she was sitting next to Lyserg and that she had her mp3 player full blast in her ears that was playing a recording of one of her recent violin practices.

"Oh, and do I _know_ it. Everyone knows it too! That I'm in it for the money. I am fairly confident that he knows as well."

Jeanne cranked her performance of Stravinsky's Firebird up louder.

"He _does_? My goodness, and what does he say about it?"

"Nothing. He doesn't care. We're both in it for the money." The woman snorted. "It's not like we're getting married out of _love_. Who _does_ that nowadays?" Both laughed again.

"Exactly. No one gets married because of love anymore."

Jeanne winced as she heard a very strident, grating note be hit on her recording, forgetting that she had messed up profusely during this practice.

Lyserg looked at her in concern and said something.

"I-I'm sorry, hold on." She tore off her earphones and turned off the mp3 player. "What was that?"

"I asked if you were okay." He frowned.

"Oh. Oh! Yes, I'm fine."

"Just checking. You just seem so…Never mind." He turned to gaze outside the train window he had been looking out of for the entire trip.

She looked uncertain. "What do I seem like?"

He shrugged. "You seem so absent minded lately. Ever since…well…ever since you found out that you're getting married to Ren."

She forced a laugh. "Me? Absent minded? That's a silly notion. I'm not absent minded at all. If anything, I'm more concentrated, what with all the concerts coming up and—"

"Jeanne, you messed up four times during your performance tonight."

Her throat went dry as she had nothing to say to that.

"And we all know that you've never made a mistake during your practices, much less your performances, prior to finding out about the engagement."

Her eyes fell as she remembered her errors during her practice of Firebird.

"And most importantly, the Tao family said that you won't be playing the violin anymore as soon as you marry Ren."

"Lyserg, please stop. I already know all of this." It took all of the focus in the world for her to say it without hesitating. "I know all of that. No need to remind me of the inevitable death of my career…" She faked a smile to show that she was okay.

"Don't you mean your passion?" he interjected.

Her voice caught in her throat before she was able to force somewhat of a response. "That…That too…"

The woman rudely stretched backwards obnoxiously, hitting the passenger who was seated behind her. "Ah, as soon as I get married, I'm going to bid farewell to my old life. My old self. None of this working as a cocktail waitress anymore. None of this throwing myself at any man who is willing to pay for my next meal. My last name is going to disappear forever, thank the Lord. It'll be different. I'm not going to be the same. _Everything_ is going to change."

Her companion looked at her in awe. "Everything? What about the bits of yourself that you don't to change?"

"When I say everything, I mean _everything_."

Jeanne closed her eyes as she felt the train slow down and lurch to a stop awkwardly as they arrived at the station. _Nothing is going to change. Nothing._

She was about to instinctually reach for Lyserg's arm as they exited the train like she always had been doing. But then she drew back.

Lyserg wanted to offer her his arm like he always had been doing. But then he prevented himself.

For everything had already changed.

* * *

**A/N**: yes, I am shamelessly copying and pasting this author's note to all my updates today (count 'em: FOUR UPDATES, GUYS). and I'm doing a rewrite (a complete one, which means I'm going to delete the original when I'm done) of _Unwritten_ as my very last project before I retire from FFNet...which probably won't be for years and years to come. thoughts?

Check out a oneshot I posted a week ago or so: **_Stupid Questions_** (also RenPiri)

other things I'm updating tonight:

1. _**Blackbird Singing: **_a piece on what it means to have a sibling (Hao/Yoh...sorry guys, I don't ship them so it's more family oriented)

2. _**Critical Condition**_: HOLY SHIT, I'M BACK FROM ONE MONTH HIATUS.

3. _**Our Story**_: YOH AND ANNA FINALLY MEET UP AGAIN YAY

PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER (mind you, I'm running on one piece of toast....I probably should go and eat something now. meh.)

Check out **_Testimonies_ **and **_Strangers_ **and that will make me happy.

HI GUYS I REALLY MISSED CRITICAL CONDITION. AND ALL YOU GUYS.

And...if you're interested in the **contest**, please go to my profile and clink on the contest info link there. it would be awesome if you commented on the LJ post so it'll be easier to see who is participating (people who don't have a livejournal can still comment! I've enabled anonymous commenting)

KTHANKS. and thank you for all the offers to help out with the prizes guys! I'll personally respond to all your reviews on all my stories after AP's.

I'm so proud of myself. So productive.

**Don't forget to leave a review!**

happy days! and check me out!: shatteredlyre . livejournal . com


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